Neon & Noisy - The Van Dammage - Audio - April 12th


I feel like a strung-out, Ray Ban-wearing, Rob Lowe on some very, very good acid. Like the seventeen-year-old-obsessive (only takes a finger to turn her on) mark-one-version of my mum, with a hard-on that stretches the length and breadth of every continuum... Past, present and future. Aim right and fire. Like a grandparent’s sudden realisation that the Nazis are indeed alive and well, like a wave of sound and light, electrifying, and like cum bursting from my weak gums and crack-cracked teeth.

As I start to feel around, adjust and derive, it appears that I have propped myself up against, what can only be described as, some sort of zinc, futuristic, cool, chrome bar-top. Like I’m back to the 80’s. Resting an injured leg and familiarising myself with my surroundings, an easy-going denim-clad gentleman indulges me. He coos coolly;

‘We're bound to refuel at the next synth station…drink up.’

‘Excuse me!? Wait a minute! Fuck are you on about!?

'Well my fine fellow, allow me to introduce myself, the name’s Electrik… Electrik Lorenzo. I am the night sky lascar in search of his own coin and gold, I seek no trouble 'here'. I would sure like to make it tonight. Sure, as sure can be I’d like to make it tonight all right. Liberate and take flight. Please, allow me to divulge what I have concluded thus far'.

‘Trouble!? Look man can you tell me just what the fuck is going on here? Please?’

'And I will. As I said, we are bound to refuel at the next synth station situated deep in the realms of the golden few’.

‘Refuel what? We're in a fuckin' glitter bar man!’. (A winless game.)

'Please sir, refrain from using such expletives, my cool, I can keep, for only so long, and it is about to exhaust itself’.

‘I apologise, it's the... It's nothing, please continue’.

'And again, I will, we are aboard the great vessel…'

‘Great vessel!?’

'Yes sir, the great vessel...'Van Dammage'.

Van Dammage!? The great vessel!? Going by the name of Universe she has been known to pick her subjects wisely. Cougar that she is. I listen intently, as intently and fervently as the ‘juice’ will allow, to stories from afar, fables of a darker, deeper place, and of a love unknown. I’ve been coldly told by previous lovers, both men and women past, that I never truly listen… But believe you me, I’ve been hooked up on this here drip since Electrik kick-started in on his epic tale of a blood-birthed moon group set out for Saturn herself.

He’s a Robin Hood of Time in the darkest night, a time that I am completely unfamiliar with, or could it be that I have no recollection of? He is a manipulator of space and sound, he has been a father of five, a lover to five thousand, and for the past decade he has been a dancer. All at the same time living up to his rock-hard reputation as a Lascar as not to cause any rifts below deck. They’d crucify him if only they knew.

Cut to downtown New York, 1985, and some cool-cat brother in a pink peculiar is waving his dick in my face… New York man. It’s 8.15pm and I’m choked out dry as a summer’s day in a Salinas-set Steinbeck novel… And then I hear her… She has me ascending. Propelling. I’m a monster. She’s the Roman Goddess and I, the myth. This here mother got me wild! Make mine a Bourbon and Bourbon and I swear I’ll love you till’ the end of time! Mine! If I’ve to be your lover you will surely be my death! (Thoughts Unheard) He’s curb-crawling on 34th and she knows just fine what his intentions are to be. How he wants to ‘play’. Don’t let the dog fuck you on the way out Electrik! He clambers for the door

He assures me he has seen the sun set and rise from the kissed-out beach, or bed, of pretty much every planet, or moon, in the system’s stomach… Known only to him and his kind. Take me away and I’ll sing soft songs of sadness, keep me here if I’ve to live a life ruined by madness.

‘Drink up Brother and have one on me. Time for just another quick one if you’ll let me past ye’ there. Hey, hey, baby doll…another one for the man here Cheeks’. I want to lose my shit as his face lights up purple. Neon. Leader and Hero of the truly kind and insane. Nausea my old friend, how the hell are ye’? I love the beard, it really suits yeh…and that ass man! A man who keeps secrets yet sells truths and lives up on 3rd deck peeling peaches with Debbie from aerobics, ain’t really no kind of man. That was before, before Electrik. I’ve changed now mamma. You got to believe me. You got to see me and feel me.  There two sides to every story, tangential or not.